the adventures of the disabled lesbian


Okay friends. Let's talk about it. Heterosexism: basically assuming that people are heterosexual. This can lead to the denial, denigration and the stigmatization of anything non-heterosexual A.K.A. yours truly. *blink blink* (I know, I know, some of you are simply SHOCKED to hear that people are like that? but yes, mother, even now-a-days). Needless to say, I have faced many moments, mostly awkward, of folks assuming that because I am married...I have a husband.

In those "Oh, I see you're married. Your husband must be so happy to have such a wonderful wife as yourself..." I usually just try to squeeze in the good old "Oh, actually my WIFE, but yes, you're right she lucked out big time..." Unfortunately, these moments sometimes aren't as smooth as I would like it them be. And then, after the big 'out-ing' the person on the receiving end either reacts as though they feel really bad/sad/uncomfortable, y-know like I just told them someone died, or (even better, but not really) reacts with a condescending/patronizing/arrogant/pretentious/whatever-you-want-to-call-it (it's just a 'harmless' label right?) comment such as: "Oh, that is SO cute," or "Oh well, that's okay," or "Wow! Good for you!" or "Oh, yeah, I accept that." And then, of course, there are the dreaded back-peddling attempts: "It's just that you don't look gay," or "Yea, yea - I have a cousin in Nebraska who's gay, so I get it," or "Oh, yea - I'm cool with the gays. I just don't like how they always hit on me." Of course they do, stud...

Sometimes it's not a big deal. I mean maybe I don't "look" gay, so that may cause some confusion - although I did recently shave the side of my head....

Please note that this cut was done by a professional stylist. Do not try this at home. Why? You'll see...

Or maybe it's because I'm not what the women from "The L Word" would call a hundred footer (a lesbian one can spot from 100 ft. away); Or maaaaaybe it's just a systemic problem stemming from discrimination, bias, attitudes and ignorance...You know, the general oppression of queer people in society today? Who knows... But luckily for you, this is not today's topic.

So, for the record of this blog (the contents of which are mostly owned by Google - the record is very official), I would like to state that I do consider myself to be a real woman and not a subhuman in anyway. In fact, I was lucky enough to have the nickname "Disabled Lesbian" when I lived out west. I know right?! What an honour! Not too many people can sport that one. I wonder if we ever got that t-shirt made.....

So anyway, on that Disabled Lesbian topic: usually one of the oh-so-many-perks of having heart failure is how quick it is for me to find a family doctor. I'd like to share this very recent (as in mid 2013) story with you.

My first experience with finding a family doctor here in London turned out to be quite bizarre. There are not many words needed to sum this experience up:

[Enter appointment room. Shake hands and immediately sanitize... just kidding. Have a seat and get down to business answering the basic intake demographic questions: date of birth, address, phone number, employment, and...]:

Doc: So what does your husband do?
Me: Well, actually my wife, and she works for the government.
Doc: Oh, you're not  married?
Me: Um, no I am married, but to a woman.
Doc: (weird sigh sound, followed by no comment with a slight tilt of his head coupled with some interesting forehead activity)
Me: (to break both the uncomfortable silence and stare-down) I'm a lesbian.
*Usually I say I'm queer or gay, but I wanted to be as explicit as possible with this guy*
Doc: Uh, what? (and he is completely serious, still doing forehead thing now with squinty eyes)
Me: A lesbian, I am married to a woman....

Awkward silence, then he frantically ruffled through his neatly organized forms and continued with the questionnaire.

There wasn't much eye contact maintained after that point, and man-o-man could he write fast! We quickly skimmed through the remaining pages of the intake process. Thankfully going through the medical history of my heterosexual parents seemed a lot more comprehensible.

And of course, on my way out, I mentioned to the Administrative Medical Assistant that I didn't think it was going to be a "good fit."

What was up with that doctor?! It really seemed as though he had no clue what I was saying. Now that, my friends, was a first for me! 

So, the moral of this story is: if you are going through a mid-life crisis and decide to shave one side of your head, do not do it yourself at home with your old set of clippers that have one setting and you have no idea what setting that is. Please see a professional


  1. Wha?? I thought Lily was your roommate? :p

    Another great post Jessie! Witty and clever. You : )

    1. Hehe good one. And thank you for the compliments.

  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

  3. haha your blog is just as amusing as Cindy's.
    I think something might be wrong with me... When I seen the pictures of the seniors playing with their bands, I thought ," that looks fun".

    Ps. Sweet cut ;)


    1. oh wow Jeri, - comparing my blog to hers is such a compliment! I love her blog. She's so FUNNY!!!!

      and yes - clearly something is seriously wrong with you ;)

      Did you see my post with the picture where I kiss a llama? I must score points for that. Because I know that you know, all about llama breath!!

  4. hi my name is Stephanie, i just stumbled upon your awesome blog by doing an internet search for disabled lesbian blogs. I am african american and disabled i have a mental illness, schizo-affective.

    I am launching my own blog about my life and opinions and to represent and connect with disabled, handicap, autistic and blind or hearing impaired lesbians of ALL ETHNICITIES. so i loved this post , i experience discrimination and isms of all varieties all day everyday.

    Rainbow family are truly brave and strong and we are human beings first. i'm glad i found your blog keep up the cool post about your life, i love it. thanks--- Stephanie

    1. Oh Stephanie what an amazing comment to see. Thank you so much for your kind words.
      I look forward to reading yours once you get it up, so be sure to send me the link. I can hear your strength in your comment. Humans first! Damn Straight! errrrr, I mean Damn Right! ;)
      I am so happy you found my blog. Thanks so much for reading and for commenting.

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