my heart baby


Well there has been quite a lot going on over here with me and this big ol' heart of mine. I don't even know where to start. I STILL haven't been feeling well, I guess that that is not necessarily new, but this time, it's different. I don't know if that means things are progressing or if maybe it's just been a rough past few months for me in general. Needless to say, I'm hoping for the latter. Since it's hard to explain sometimes, here's a picture. For all of my friends who never "see" me sick, here you go:

Admit it, I make a pretty good bobble-head in that gown…I should get into the doll making business
This has been my view lately:

I actually took this picture.
I've been feeling so sick and experiencing so many ongoing symptoms that I got pulled out of cardiac rehabilitation. I'm really feeling sad about that because it was nice to have something on the go, not only to keep me busy, but also to keep me healthy and feeling good. I'll talk a little more about this after I clarify to you what exactly I meant by feeling so sick and the ongoing symptoms I'm having.

  • I am absolutely exhausted all-of-the-time. And I mean - sometimes it's too hard to get out of bed -exhausted. I haven't read much because I am simply too tired. And as a result I've been a lot more irritable. I'm sorry world. 
  • I am constantly light headed and recently almost passed out. If you have ever passed out you know that rush feeling you get right before your faint. Worst feeling ever! The last time I fainted I had a seizure so I was also very scared. Oh, and it usually means my heart is pausing - which is also scary.
  • I am a lot more short of breath than I used to be. I didn't even know that would be possible. So now climbing up my stairs is a lot harder than it used to be. My wife and I have actually decided to change our house around so that I can spend more time on the upper floor, where the bathroom is, to avoid the stairs. 
  • I am experiencing really bad headaches lately too. Which just adds to my exhaustion and irritability I'm sure.
  • Now that it's getting colder out, my Raynaud's Disease/Syndrome is starting to act up again, which is extremely uncomfortable and annoying at best. For those of you who know me, that's why my lips turn that weird colour of purple when I'm cold. For those of you who don't know me, no it's not lipstick. But my main symptom is cold, numb, white-ish blue toes. Ouch.
  • And finally, my heart has been palpitating irregularly both often and hard.

At cardiac rehabilitation I was walking on a treadmill, very slowly, and also riding a bike, very slowly. On the bike I would often start seeing stars and feel light headed. Rehab was in the morning, twice a week, and every afternoon after rehab I would be at home so tired and experiencing flu like symptoms: clammy with hot/cold flashes and aches and pains and goosebumps. I would feel like I had a fever. I never actually checked if I did. It took a few of these episodes for me to link that this was happening on days that I had rehab. So for all those reasons, and my progressing symptoms, my doctors advised me to stop attending. Bummer. I do hope I can get back to it soon. But something's gotta give in the meantime, and I think I feel better not going. All of my appointments and lab visits are keeping me quite busy. Here are a few of the medical tests that were done this past month:

I had to wear a heart monitor for 48 hours:

I had an echocardiogram done, which is an ultrasound of my heart. Here is a video of it. It's my first You-Tube video and I can't figure out how to edit it, so it's not the best quality. The only thing I could figure out was how to layer a song over it. Which made it just cheesy enough. Ooooh yea, heart baby - gotta love that Sax… 

Despite all of this, I am very grateful for your support with my knitting. I really like being able to make things for you and your friends and family. Thanks for all of your support. It means the world to me. And I'm pretty sure knitting keeps me sane. Seriously. I decided to wait to start my online store since everything is being made as custom orders right now, but I will have one sometime, probably in the new year. Click here to view my gallery. There is still time for me to make some Christmas gifts so please contact me. 


  1. Hey Friend. So sorry to hear how rough you've been feeling. Thinking about and praying for you. Keri

  2. I think you should find some way to have a weekend get away. Get a view of a mountain scene or some amazing lake of some kind. Breathe some fresh air, even if they are short breaths.